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Have you ever been in a relationship where you felt so miserable that it was almost physical? You know, the kind of relationship where one person is yelling, screaming, and carrying on for days? Or maybe it’s the kind where one person is withdrawn or snappish and the other seems distant or withdrawn as well? Either way, you can see from the get-go that this isn’t going to work. It’ll feel like a prison of sorts, but at the end of the day, you’re both going to be worse off for it.
But what if you could change your partner's behavior and make them happier instead? In other words: What if there was a way to make you and your partner happier as well? Nowhere was that more clear than in my experience with another couple. I can't even tell you how many times I heard him say, "I just don't get her."
Or her, actually. As anyone who knows these two will tell you (which I will), they're not just friends; they're dating each other! But out of all his exes, she was by far his most irritating. How do I know this? Because when we finally worked through our issues together — including trying out new communication methods like humor — he told me why.
Establish boundaries before getting serious
When you're in a relationship, it's important to establish boundaries early on. This means that you need to communicate your expectations and set limits for what is acceptable behavior. If you're not sure what your boundaries are, take some time to think about what makes you feel uncomfortable, disrespected, or unsafe.
Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or social. For example, you might have a boundary around how much time you spend with your partner's family or friends.
Or you might have a boundary around how much physical affection you're comfortable with.
It's important to remember that boundaries are not about controlling your partner or telling them what to do. Instead, they're about taking care of yourself and making sure that your needs are being met.
Learn how to communicate and resolve conflict without being rude
Communication is key in any relationship, but it's especially important when you're trying to establish healthy boundaries. You need to be able to express your feelings and needs in a way that is respectful and clear.
One way to do this is to use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You never listen to me," you could say "I feel like I'm not being heard when we talk."
It's also important to be willing to listen to your partner's perspective and work together to find a solution that works for both of you.
This means being open to compromise and being willing to apologize when you're wrong.
Commit to using healthy communication methods
In addition to using "I" statements and being willing to compromise, there are several other healthy communication methods that you can use to establish and maintain healthy boundaries.
One of these methods is active listening. This means giving your partner your full attention when they're speaking and asking clarifying questions to make sure you understand what they're saying.
Another method is setting aside time to talk about important issues. This could be a weekly check-in where you discuss how you're feeling and what you need from each other.
Finally, it's important to remember that communication is an ongoing process. You need to be willing to check in with each other regularly and make adjustments as needed.
Go on a date with your partner even if they say no or are rude
Sometimes, even when you're doing everything right, your partner may still resist your efforts to establish healthy boundaries. They may say no to a date or refuse to communicate in a healthy way.
In these situations, it's important to stay committed to your own well-being. This means continuing to set boundaries and communicate in a healthy way, even if your partner isn't receptive.
It may also mean taking some time for yourself and doing things that make you happy, whether that's going for a walk, spending time with friends, or indulging in a hobby.
Ultimately, the most important thing is to remember that you deserve to be in a healthy, happy relationship. By establishing healthy boundaries and communicating effectively, you can create a relationship that is fulfilling and supportive for both you and your partner.
Conclusion
Establishing healthy boundaries and communicating effectively are key to building a healthy, happy relationship. By setting limits, expressing your needs, and being willing to listen and compromise, you can create a relationship that is respectful, supportive, and fulfilling for both you and your partner. Remember to stay committed to your own well-being, even if your partner is resistant, and don't be afraid to seek help or advice if you need it. With time and effort, you can create a relationship that is built on a foundation of trust, respect, and love.
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